I feel like I'm at a crossroad. No, I know I am. I'm a mom, an Etsy seller, a blogger, a student...and I'm spinning my wheels. I'm doing so many things, but I'm not sure I'm doing many of them that well. I'm a tired mom...a mom that tries to get everything done but sometimes fails because I have too much to do. A lot of those things are of my own doing...things I don't have to do, but choose to. And then...there's our financial future to think of. I admit, I have it good. Even in a bad economy, my husband has a good job...good enough to allow me to stay home and raise the kids. But I feel the need to try to contribute financially to the family in any small way I can. Maybe it's because, once upon a time, I was the primary income generator of the family...maybe it's because I feel like our bubble could burst at any time, and there might be reason in the future that I will need to contribute to the family income. Whatever the reason, I feel like I'm coming up short.
Opening my first Etsy store was my way to try to solve two problems...or maybe solve one problem (needing a non kid related outlet) and prevent another (finding a way to help support the family before it was a dire necessity). After being home full time with the kids for about a year, I felt like I needed a creative outlet...something of my own that I could devote some of my "down time" and energy to. Making jewelry made me happy...and having other people buy things I made helped me feel useful and appreciated in a way that was different than being a full time mom. But the truth...the hard truth, is that my sales have only been lukewarm...I'm maybe halfway to breaking even on the financial investment in my store (or should I say STORES now)...and while I still completely enjoy creating things, I know if it came down to it, I could not support this family doing it. I know a lot of Etsy sellers are hurting for sales, but it's becoming hard for me to justify spending as much time as I am on something that is not producing a noticeable financial return. Should I forget my store? Should I devote less time to pushing the store and let it just "do what it does" and maybe only list things here and there as I'm able to make new items? I just don't know.
And then...there is school. I've never had any second thoughts about going back to school, yet again, to get a Graduate certificate. The reality is, I hate to say it, when a woman leaves the workplace to stay home full time with kids, the clock on our "reemployment shelf life" runs down...quickly. Forget that I worked my way through Grad school and spent 10 years building a good, solid career, eventually making a six figure salary and being respected by the people I worked with. Within six months of being home with the kids, potential employers started questioning my abilities. When I was a full time working mom (outside the home that is), on a whim I could send my resume out to ten different places...get interviews with half of them...and have offers from at least two of them. Now...I send out a resume and it's ignored...or at best, within a day or so I get the "thanks but no thanks" letter back from an HR department. Yeah, I know the economy is bad and jobs are scarce, but it makes me afraid of what would happen if I really needed a job. So...I went back to school...in a program I'm able to attend online and only takes 5 classes to complete. From an educational standpoint, I'm not sure it was something I needed to do...but I did need some way to prove to future employers that, while I was at home with the kids, I did everything I could to stay current in my field. But...to be honest, I'm not sure that I want to go back to a job that expects me to work 50-60 hours a week, taking time away from raising a family. Not many employers are looking for part time workers to do what I used to do...which puts me back in the boat of needing to find a source of income that will work with my vision of what I want for my family. The good news is that I'll be done with school at the end of this summer...and I will have back some free time, but in the meantime, it's one more thing eating away at what little free time I have.
And finally...there's my blogging. Way back in my undergraduate days, I wanted to be a writer...badly...but then I got married and real world necessities took over and my writing was left behind for a more practical profession. I'll be honest, since I've begun writing my blog, I've discovered a new joy for writing. I've grown my readership, made friends and am doing something I really enjoy...but...again, I have to consider, aside from the creative outlet, do I have any real potential for making money from it? Sure, people make a living blogging, but on the other hand, there are so many bloggers out there. Do I want to make a go of it? If I do, can I keep my blog the same? Will it need to change? If I decide to branch off and do a different blog on a topic with more money making potential, will I have to start from scratch finding new readers? I just don't know, but I'm starting to feel it might be my best (or at least better) option at this point.
Sorry for all of my rambling. I hope some of it made sense to anyone besides me! At the end of the day, the only thing I know for certain is...life is hard...and I don't have any good answers.
